What’s in your heart. And motherhood.

“At the core of your heart, you are perfect and pure. No one and nothing can alter that.”

-Amit Ray

A meditation 🧘🏼‍♂️ 👆🏻❤️

FullSizeRender.jpg

I bought myself and my daughter matching bathing suits.

It wasn’t my intention. I didn’t go out shopping looking for matching outfits, I swear. But I went into a store- and when I found this adorable one-piece for her, the saleswoman asked me if I would like one for me. I thought about it...Why? What’s the point? But I tried it on anyway- despite my reservations...and it didn’t look half bad. My daughter (and the saleswoman) excitedly convinced me to buy it. 👙

My little girl was thrilled by our matching suits. We got home and she immediately asked me to pull the tags off, try them on and take pics. So...that’s what the above photo is all about. 

She’s a little mini me, isn’t she?!?

We look alike, there’s no denying it. She moves in the same ways I do: the way she sits, the faces she makes, her expressions... sometimes I am taken aback by how similar we really are. Nature and nurture. Genetics and proximity.

And as time goes on, I observe her. I watch her and see how she’s inherited the good in me. I also see how she’s inherited the bad. And it makes me want to be a better mother- a better person.

I guess that’s love. Right? Desiring to be the best version of yourself for someone else. 💕

But it’s also a work in process, a constant battle.

I see this little human- so impressionable- so innocent- and sometimes it pains me just to consider how much I love her- and I oftentimes begin to doubt whether I am the best mother I can be- how I could be better- for her... it’s not easy: this growth thing- change, desire to change. But if anything is worth it, this is. Because when all is said and done- she’s my reason. And there’s no better reason in the world.

In the meantime, while I ruminate over how to change things about myself that I’ve carried with me for nearly four decades, I’ll keep buying us matching clothes, loving her, making her smile, and doing what I can to be the mother she truly deserves. 💕